3rd Trimester – Time’s A Ticking…

Well we have crossed over and entered into the 3rd Trimester.  To get this one off and running we have now increased our doctor visits to every two weeks (to increase to weekly in mid-September), we’ve begun birthing classes, and we are a week away from our first baby shower.  Wow, how time flies.

But here’s the thing, at times and in a very many places I don’t feel like we are that “far along” or ready to be in this space.

First, there’s the house – truly we’ve not done any of the things we have talked about doing to be ready for the little guy’s arrival.  The to-be nursery is still a guest room – currently being lived in my my stepdaughter.  Over the next two weeks we are going to try to move it into full gear and transform it with a simple paint design (two main lines) and a clearing of the closet.  We have a crib (thanks Grandma/Grandpa) and a glider (thanks Grandmother/Granddad) and the bedding set.  So this will surely be what it needs to be – when it needs to be.

Second, there’s my body.  I was greatly aware that I felt not-sufficient when we attended our first birthing class last week.  You see, I haven’t gained any weight (lost a lot in the first tri and have now returned to what I was before we found out) and my belly has changed shape, but isn’t the belly ball that most everyone thinks about for pregnant woman.  I know the little guy is fine and growing, he’s a kicker a lot of the time too – but the physical piece has caught me off guard – or at least that I am struggling with it.  I have asked my doctor and he (our main doctor has just given birth herself, so we’ve started with a partner) says all is fine and we’ll keep checking in the weeks to come. In good news in this area I passed my glucose test which is great, but also discovered I’m anemic.  So some added iron in the mix and a bit more attention to iron rich foods (my husband can not stop taunting me with spinach and kale, both of which I hate.)

Finally, there’s work.  I am not as far “ahead” as I wanted to be, as the last couple of weeks have been more “pastoral care/crisis” mode than prep, planning, study.  That’s the nature of the work of a pastor, and I am truly blessed to be able to walk with people in all their ups and downs, but the “J-ness” of my mind is driving me nuts.  

So I have begun to hear the tick, tick, tick….and while we are still fairly calm and excited, my anxiety is growing.  I am praying that God would help to calm my spirit and mind, and rest in the promise of new life that lies ahead.

 

A great post on “Overwhelming Jesus” blog by Angela Denker

Today I was blessed with a blog post written by another pastor who is also a mom and is open and real about all that entails.  I share this post with you and give thanks for words that calm my heart even as my questions, fears, and anxiety grows as we await the arrival of our little one.

The post today is entitled, “Doubly Called: Accepting and Living Life as a Mom and a Pastor.”

Enjoy!

 

Questions…Doubts…Growing From Within

I am a person who likes to plan everything.  Part of my planning is so I can be prepared for what is to come; another part is probably a not-so-healthy desire to be in control.  So truly when my husband and I started talking about getting pregnant I “planned it.”  I began tracking everything and after some months there was nothing new on the horizon.  Ultimately when we stopped trying to be in charge it happened…we got pregnant.  And you know what? The timing has been quite perfect…so someone else knew what was going on. 😉

So now we are 26 weeks and 5 days pregnant, about to enter into the 3rd trimester, and the questions and doubts seem to be growing about as quickly as our baby is growing!  Can I really do this?  Am I going to be a good mom?  Did we wait too long? Are we ready for this?

Here’s the thing…these questions are always going to be here, whether it is before birth, the week after, on the eve of the first day of school, high school graduation, etc…  These questions are “normal” and “natural” and all parents have them….managing them is what is important.  When they become the center of thinking, well then I am not so sure these questions are helpful.

My recent prayer is this, “Dear God, I give you thanks for the growing life within me.  Help me make the best choices for the little guy.  And help me not become overwhelmed with the questions and the doubts of my ability to be the mom you are calling me to be. Help me know your love and grace so that I can share that love and grace with my son.  Amen.”  

 

Less than 100 days…

I just noticed that one of the freebie pregnancy apps that I have downloaded on my iPhone indicates that we are now less than 100 days until the little guy’s due date.  Less than 100 days!?!  What happened to the time? I am somewhat caught between great anticipation and excitement – kinda like being an elementary school kid on the celebration of the 100th day of a school year – and an extreme fear of holy crap?!

In less than 100 days our lives will change forever. In less than 100 days we will be surviving on even less sleep, all the while watching every breath as our little guy sleeps.  In less than 100 days we will be responsible for another human being – in a way that I have not yet experienced.  In less than 100 days our family will be blessed beyond our comprehension.

So what does one do at this time – this less than 100 days until the world changes forever?  Well, I’m trying to find extra sleep – I am already tired.  I am trying to stay on top of all of my responsibilities in my congregation and get ahead on a few so that come September I disappear when the little guy decides to arrive and trust that several big programs/ministries that I “run” continue.  We (my husband and I) are trying to get his kids (my stepkids) involved in the preparations (painting the nursery is happening soon!) We are praying that we keep our heads on straight and don’t get caught up in the latest fads (truly saw an ad for an electronic monitor that notifies you when you need to change your baby’s diaper!)

What does one need to do with less than 100 days before the arrival? Thoughts? 

 

So many things to do…

You know, I thought I was ready and that I would have a sane and relaxed sense about this pregnancy and coming birth. But in reality I fooled myself. There is so much to do to prepare for this massive and so blessed change of life. I have to keep up with regular doctor visits, watch what I am eating, declutter and clean the house, shop for a whole other human being, prep a space for this new human being, find a pediatrician, day care, plus one or two babysitters for those times when our schedules (my husband and mine) don’t cooperate and it is not during a weekday, think about baptism location and sponsors, pick a name, spend time together, go to birth classes, engage my stepchildren in the process….there is so much to do and time is tick, tick, ticking.

I have felt similar feeling of time “rush” at other times – prepping to head to seminary, waiting for my first call, preparing for ordination, departing for my second call, buying a house, getting married…but this time is feels deeper, wider, heavier. And my anxiety grows – like most first-time moms – with questions of “Can I do this?” “Am I cut out for this?” I think most if not all of us have lived these questions.

As I live these questions two verses comes to mind that help me – even in the faintest way – to relax and breathe.

I hereby command you: Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. – Joshua 1:9

Then he took a little child and put it among them; and taking it in his arms, he said to them,‘Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me, and whoever welcomes me welcomes not me but the one who sent me.’ – Mark 9:36-37

Go has given and will continue to give us the strength we need for the call we have received to be parents…and in that call we will see in a new way the very one who created us. This is my prayer as I enter into this coming week.

 

Ready or Not

So over the past two weeks I have been feeling a lot of movement and kicking, and it just makes me smile.  It is still unreal for me that in just about 3 months I will be holding my newborn son.  And the movements and kicking make me give thanks for every sign of life.  Like yesterday at the doctor’s office she listened to his heartbeat (150) and measured my belly.  She said everything sounded great and that she would see me in 3 weeks – even the decrease in the time before our next appointment (up until this point it was every 4 weeks) gets me quite eager and excited.

And while it is feeling more and more real, and the life that God is gifting us with is more than concrete for us right now, we are still no where close to being ready.  Are we ever ready? Can we read enough books?  Chat with enough friends? Ask enough questions? Purchase enough “essentials”? Prep our homes enough?  I don’t think so.  But what we can do is give thanks for each and every moment of life that we feel, that we anticipate, that we nourish.

The life that is growing in my belly is quite the gift and one that I am called to care for and nurture – ready or not.

Dear Lord, allow me to be ready enough, and when I am not, help me to look to others who are.  Amen.