DO NOT TOUCH!

So today begins the 24th week of my pregnancy and I have learned to say some things that I have never had to say before.  The first is, “DO NOT TOUCH!”  Truly last week, for the first time in my life, I had to say to someone, “Please don’t touch my belly.”  I knew it was coming, I’ve heard it from so many other moms, but for some reason I thought being the pastor of a large congregation, being a tall and bigger woman who is assertive and strong that I would be able to avoid this.  Alas, this has not held out to be true. I was in the Narthex (entrance to the church) last week when an older parishoner (a person who is a member of my church) came up to me and two other women as we were talking and simply put her hand out and touched my belly saying, “Ah, we are starting to show the bump.”  I was shocked at first but then quickly and quietly said, “Please don’t touch my belly.” The parishoner pulled back, looking a bit embarrassed and tried to change the conversation with an “I’m sorry.”  I didn’t go any further, as I was running through my mind several questions:

1. Did that really just happen?!?
2. What did the two other women think as they saw what had just transpired?
3. Did I really upset her? Should I follow up with some witty statement about boundaries and personal space, or should I crack a joke and move on?

Here’s the thing, as a pastor there truly isn’t much in my life that is private and personal.  When I am sick the whole world knows.  When I am having a bad day the whole world knows.  When I totally blow something the whole world knows.  When I get pregnant my partner and I HAVE to plan meticulously how to make the information public, so the whole world knows – otherwise the whisperers will begin and pretty soon the story goes, “Hey, did you hear that pastor is pregnant with triplets and her husband only wanted a puppy!”

Yet, there are a few things that we can keep private and personal and one of those is our bodies. No one has the right to touch my body without an invitation (unless of course you find me lying in a pool of blood in the sacristy after a long Holy Week, then by all means you can touch me to see if I am alive and if you can help me – but call 911 first!).  In fact no one has the right to touch anyone else’s body without an invitation. This includes my belly during pregnancy. My belly, no matter if it is covered with a tee shirt or covered by an alb is NOT public property and touching it is a violation of my personal space and boundaries. How would you feel if I came up to you and reached out and touched your belly – pregnant or not?  Quite uncomfortable I assume. The same is true for me, so please refrain from reaching out and touching my belly.  Remember, I am a person just like you and my body is my own. (I suspect the same will be true – because I’ve heard stories – of our babies when they are born, so I am sure we will return to this subject soon enough.)